The Mythical NT Child

Lukas was our first child. Neither Michael nor I spent a lot of time with children so we did not really know just what the typical child did. I pretty much assumed all children read at three and never slept.. When Autism hit our lives, it turned our perceptions of children upside down. One of the things we did in our program was look for things that might make Lukas stand out- we wanted to make him indistinguishable from his peers. We would watch and observe him- looking for all stims (self stimulatory behaviors), all tics, anything peculiar about his speech, his play, his physical being. All his behaviors had to be perfectly normal and not cause any undue attention to himself.

One of the mistakes we made was to assume that we knew what typical children were like. We looked at Lukas in terms of his defects. How was he different that the NT child? What would an NT child have done in that situation? Rather than stopping and looking around at other children, we just assumed that the NT child would pick the normal, logical course of action. It was not until we actually started looking at typical children and until we hosted a summer playgroup, that we realized that Lukas was not being measured against his peers, he was being measured against the Mythical NT child.

One trip to a playground will give you a good idea of what a real child is like. I am also somewhat certain that I could follow a typical person around for a day and find a wide assortment of odd things about the person. If you look hard enough, you will most likely find what you are looking for. If you are on constant watch for anything different in another human being, chances are that you will have a whole list of things by the end of a day.

Just who is this Mythical NT child?

In many ways, I had a fuzzy black and white image of the NT child in my mind. He was like the children in the old TV sitcoms like Leave it to Beaver, A Family Affair, and The Andy Griffin show. He is perfectly dressed with his shirt tucked in. Even his cowlick is neatly placed. He smiles and always says his pleases and thank yous.. The mythical child sits nice for circle time- legs crossed, hands folded in lap, eyes on teacher. The mythical child builds forts and has play scenarios that last hours. He asks his mythical NT peer to play and the mythical NT peer always smiles back and says yes. The mythical child listens the first time. The mythical child reads his peers and acts on this reading instantly. The mythical child does not say no. The mythical child is quiet. The mythical child does not fidget. The mythical child never does anything weird.

The mythical child blends. He can camouflage himself- he is truly indistinguishable. The mythical

child does not stare out the window or play with the string hanging on his shirt. He does not suck his hands or pick his nose. The mythical child never puts anything in his mouth. The mythical child does not leave the bathroom door open when he pees. He would never think to pee on a tree. In fact, I doubt the mythical NT child does anything related to toileting. The mythical child picks his toys up without nagging. Heck, the mythical child picks his toys up without being told. The mythical child LOVES sports and will play catch with dad every evening. He plays little league in the spring , soccer at the "Y" in the fall. He plays basketball in the winter. He sings "Jesus loves all the little children" at Bible school in the summer. He wins money for raising the most for charity. Adults stand around him and smile and say “isn’t he precious?”

For the longest of times, I thought of Lukas in terms of deficits. Lukas didn’t have enough of this skill or that skill. Now, I realize that it is the Mythical NT child that is less - not Lukas. The mythical child is less: less intense, less happy. He never visits lala land in his mind. He is less mad and less angry. The mythical child is less work. The mythical child lacks colour and variety. He comes in black and white with his own theme song.

When I think of Lukas, I realize that he is just "more." Everything is "more". He is more intense. More happy. More sad. More. He is more fidgety. He is more angry. He is more intelligent. He is more sensitive. He is more . He has more language deficits. He has more vocabulary words than the average child. His play is often more creative. His play is often more rigid. He is more impulsive. He is more spontaneous. He is more concerned with the details. He is more careless. He is just plain old more. Brilliant colours flash from Lukas. Lukas is fluid and changing. He doesn’t have a single theme song but an entire library of melodies.

The mythical NT child is a projection. Lukas is real. I don’t think I would have it any other way.