We were having our traditional teatime on the back deck. It was a warm, clear sunny day. The twins were busy slurping their tea and honey. Everyone was quiet. Lukas then turned to me and said
“Mom?”
“ yes?” I replied.
“Am I going to die?”
I paused a moment. I don’t believe in lying to him so I said with certainty, “Well. yes.
Someday... but that isn't for a very very long time” (okay, one small
tiny white lie)
“ Why do I have to die?”
I then chose a comfortable and safe scientific approach “ well... All living things die. See that tree?”
“the dogwood?”
“ yes. That tree will die one day. But see all the pollen? That helps the trees to repoduce. It will make seeds and make little trees. It is a part of a life cycle that happens.”
Lukas wasn’t impressed. “Well... sometimes I say bad things so I am not going to heaven so I don't have to die.”
Religion has now been introduced. A weak spot for me. At this point, I was perplexed. I then realized that he thinks that going to heaven *causes*
death: “no Lukas ... Going to heaven doesn't make you dead”
“what happens when you die?” asked Lukas with a sorrowful look on his face.
I was uncomfortable with this conversation as I am not entirely sure that I know myself, “well, your body dies and your spirit goes to heaven.”
Lukas scrunched up his face: “ you mean Jesus dies inside you?”
Okay.. At this point i find that a weird question and am trying to figure out what theology he has confused. I know the Christian Orthodox religion believes in the Father Son and Holy Spirit and that Jesus lives in everyone or something like that So, I think he thinks that Jesus' spirit lives with his inside his body? “No.” I said , “when some dies, Jesus takes his spirit up to heaven to be with him.”
Lukas pauses another moment, "it isn't nice of Jesus to steal other people's spirits."
I sigh. Here I am trying to make death sound pretty nice in a religious way that I don't entirely believe. I do this because Lukas attends church, Sunday school, and has a couple of Christian friends and I have no idea what to tell the poor kid on death and dying.
Lukas looks at me again, “I don’t want to die.”
I look at him and try a different approach "wanna 'nother piece of carrot cake?"
I hand him another piece with extra frosting and hope that the distraction lasts long enough to make Lukas forget.
I looked at this six year old child and watched him in amazement.
© 2002 Antonia Christopher